


Sougo Sougoes to Hot Topic

by citrus_ebooks



Category: Kamen Rider Zi-O
Genre: Crack, Gen, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 22:13:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17211800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrus_ebooks/pseuds/citrus_ebooks
Summary: Sougo and Woz go to Hot Topic to get some bitchin' threads.





	Sougo Sougoes to Hot Topic

It was a normal day. Almost _too_ normal. Sougo was going to school, semi-expecting an Another Rider attack.

Woz appeared before him. Sougo fell down the stairs.

“My lord!” He sparkled, doing his characteristic gay pose. It was like if how crocodiles walked (like they just got their nails done) was anthropomorphised. “If you are to be a worthy overlord, we will have to get you some bitchin’ threads.”

“Will this really help me become king?” Sougo asked, dusting off his normal-sized, school-issued pants.

Woz considered for a second, before nodding.

“Definitely.”

Sougo was born to be king, and rightful kings didn’t need to go to school, so he walked (and Woz sauntered) to where Tsukuyomi parked her Time Mazine.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”

Woz ignored her. Sougo simply smiled and said, “I’m becoming a king!”

Next stop, America, 2003.

Woz parked on some guy’s truck. Sougo noticed that they were outside a shopping mall.

They briskly sauntered (brisk because who knows when Tsukuyomi might return with a vengeance, and sauntered because that was what Woz did) to the Hot Topic. They didn’t even have to ask for directions. Woz seemed acquainted with the fastest route.

Sougo was enamoured. He had never before seen such a mass of black and red and studded clothing in one place! And what a convenient place for him to find all his fandom merch needs!

While Sougo stood rooted at the entrance, Woz picked out some Invader Zim shirts in Sougo’s size (XM).

When they finally decided what to buy, they piled their new threads on the counter.

Alack! When all the clothes were paid for, and the mountain was at last dissipated, they could finally see who had been at the register all along…

It was Myoukouin Geiz, A.K.A Kamen Rider Geiz, the hiragana guy; the dude who wanted Sougo dead!

“Geiz!” Sougo exclaimed, beaming, “What are you doing here?” How quaintly slice-of-life for him to encounter his friend Geiz at his part-time job!

“Zi-O...!” Geiz growled. “I knew you’d be here!”

Geiz didn’t want to admit he worked at Hot Topic to get a discount on jeans. He only had one set of black-and-red clothes from the future after all.

Leaping over the counter and knocking over some Funko Pops, he whipped out his driver.

“I’ll end you here and now! _Hensh-_ ”

His manager glared at him and tapped the “No Transforming, $350 Fine” sign.

He pushed past Sougo and ran into the parking lot, almost tripping on his elaborately decorated pants.

Distantly, Sougo heard his belt sounds and some people screaming. And also the sound of “FIGHT ME, ZI-O!”

“Are we really doing this, my lord?”

“Guess so!”

With that, Sougo strolled into the parking lot to collect Geiz. He also dialled Tsukuyomi because he was panicking a bit. Woz sauntered as best he could with their purchases piled in his arms. The things he did to lead Sougo on the path to overlord-dom.

“Tsukuyomi?”

Sluuurp.

“Sougo? What’s wrong?”

“ _Geiz saw us at Hot Topic._ ”

“Yes, that’s where he works. He needs that jeans discount.”

“ _Kamen Rider can’t come to America, Tsukuyomi._ ”

“... Ugh.” She understood the gravity of the situation.

“I’ll be there soon.”

“What? We stole your Time Mazine. How are you even gonna get here?”

Silence, probably eye-rolling.

“Sougo, did you think I’d just let you take it? I hid behind the pilot’s chair and got off at the same time as you. I also got Jamba Juice. Hot Topic isn’t my style.”

“So you don’t want the shirt I picked out for you?”

“Focus, Sougo! Where is Geiz?”

Sougo had been talking while walking and impressively reached the parking lot without bumping into the fleeing masses.

“He’s right in front of me.”

Geiz huffed and puffed at him from across the parking lot.

“I’ve been too soft on you, Zi-O! You thought you could fool me with all that “let’s be friends” crap, and it almost worked!”

“Wait, it did? That’s grea-”

“Shut up and let me finish!”, he snarled. “I’m through with this farce and I’m through with you!!”

“We don’t have to fight, Geiz!”

“Of course we have to fight!” He pulled out his axe.

“I’m not the same person as the Zi-O you know! We want the same thing; for no one to suffer. Why can’t we be friends? We both just want peace!”

“And I’m going to get it, starting by ending you!”

“Can you though?”

“What?!”

Sougo beamed, sincere enough, and his smile made his eyes squeeze shut. He looked… serene. Untouchable, like nothing on earth could hurt him, especially not Myoukouin Geiz.

As if with full confidence in his fate he spake,

“You can’t beat me.”

And then Tsukuyomi shot him.

They loaded Geiz’s paralysed body into the Time Mazine, Tsukuyomi carrying his shoulders and Sougo struggling with his legs, trying to look like anything besides people who just murdered a mall cosplayer. Woz was waiting for them. The A/C was on, he had water and he was listening to his favourite music.

“My lord! So you’ve returned, and with astounding haste at that. I observed your negotiation with Young Geiz, and your success proves to me once again that you truly have the prowess to become overlord of all.”

Tsukuyomi walked in with the rest of Geiz.

“My, my. Took you long enough, Young Tsukuyomi.”

She sighed, they dumped Geiz onto the pile of Hot Topic paraphernalia, and headed back to 2018.

That night at dinner, Sougo came down wearing an Invader Zim shirt he got. It had Gir on it and horror-movie style text that said “CUPCAKE ATTACK”.

“Nice shirt, Sougo! Trying out a new style?”, his uncle said, spooning some food onto his plate.

“Yup! All part of becoming a king!”

“I… see!” He knitted his eyebrows. “Trying different things is an important part of youth after all. Some things you can only do when you’re young!”

Swallowing the food he had stuffed in his cheeks, Sougo said, “And I’m glad to have great royal advisors to do them with me!”, nodded with a grin at Tsukuyomi, and then at Geiz.

Geiz just “hmph”ed, and ate his dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> I live in a country with no Hot Topic but god I wish I could go to one. I went to one in America when I was like 8, or otherwise the age at which you would be into Hetalia. I got a Prussia shirt.


End file.
